Have you ever seen someone fly fishing?
There is something magical, even poetic about fly fishing. It is an interesting mix of physical, mental, and even emotional combinations of you and the surrounding environment. Yet, all these variables blend into something so simple and elegant.
It is interesting how something so complex can be so pure and perfect.
There is a flow and a sense of beauty as the you deliver the perfect cast. Fly.
My wife and I love to see older couples that just know each other. You can tell they have this flow about them. You see them walking down the street together holding hands, or how the man opens the door for his wife, or how the wife knows the exact moment her husband needs a Kleenex before he asks.
There is simple elegance.
And when marriages or relationships are in the Flow, when everything is going well, it is so smooth and so Beautiful. It is as God intended.
But what happens?
So many people get divorced or separated every day. I often ask myself, “Why? How did this beautiful couple that seemed to be in the flow end up just shredded?”
How could 2 people who came together and were so “In Love” get to a point where it all just fell apart?
Because when you look around… There is also a lot of turmoil out there. So, what happens?
Did they just let their Guard down? Were they just not paying attention? All too often if we’re not paying attention our relationship ends up like this:
As an entangled mess, often resultant of our own poor choices. Choices where we have put ourselves, our desires and our “needs” above everything else.
Let me ask you: Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’ve questioned a relationship you have with the opposite sex? Wondered, Have we crossed the line? Had to convince yourself we’re just friends…
Well, where is that line anyway?
Today we will continue with our “commissioned” series and let’s see what, if anything, Jesus has to say about where that line is.
We will kick it off in Matthew 5.27-30.
Matthew 5.27 (NLT) “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
It is no secret that marriage is under assault from multiple avenues.
Divorce rates continue to skyrocket yet, demands for non-biblical marriage and “trial” type relationships just continue to keep this culture on the edge of destruction.
People have forgotten why marriage matters. Instead, cultural ignorance of “what’s best for me” just continue to blur the lines as more couples find themselves hopelessly confused about what marks the line between “I’m just surfing” and infidelity or between chatting vs cheating.
Now as I was preparing this message, I read numerous reports that say we have even gotten to a point now that some even excuse internet sex, arguing that because most of these online type affairs never lead to physical encounters that they are now marked “safe” and “not infidelity.”
But the Bible is clear, and Jesus teaches that adultery is wrong!!! AND it doesn’t just occur in the physical. It’s really a sin of the heart’s imagination.
The heart, It wants- what it wants -when it wants it. Adultery is the ultimate expression of this selfishness. Yet, often times, people justify it by self-deception, their self deceptive thoughts and feelings of “I deserve better”.
Let’s look again at Matthew 5.28
“But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.“
Lets start to make the line more clear: adultery does not require physical intercourse. It typically doesn’t even start with an intimate touch.
So, if it doesn’t start with physical touch then where does it start? It really begins with the inception of an idea. So let’s explore this a bit.
Maybe it was loneliness, maybe it was feeling neglected, maybe it was boredom, maybe it was a host of reasons why a simple “Hey how are you doing?”, turned into broken vows, shattered trust, and a ruined family.
You see, the signs are everywhere and nowhere. Just like that fishing line that is sitting atop the water and is difficult to see. There are so many traps set out by the adversary.
And for anyone that has been fishing, it’s just like how fishing line can get tangled up with other lines if you’re not paying attention.
The adversary will ensnare us because he loves to destroy families by dangling that little thing called temptation in front of all us.
So let this be a picture for us to remain constantly aware because temptations are part of human existence, but it is not a concession to give in to temptation when presented.
That’s why the book of James warns us:
”Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. 15 These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.” -James 1:14-15 (NLT)
When we give into our desires and a friendship crosses the line into an emotional affair, it is also adultery.
Trying to justify it by disappointment in your relationship, that “they’re not meeting my needs”, or some kind of internal unhappiness, does not make it less real, devastating, or sinful.
Let’s be honest, all of us that have been married for more than a few months has at some point, been disappointed or annoyed by our spouses.
After all, we are imperfect beings. Spend time with someone in a close relationship, and they are bound to annoy or disappoint us somehow. Ask my wife or my kids; I annoy them all the time.
However, we vowed to accept each other, for better or worse, before God, and though we may go through moments where we don’t really like each other that much, we are still responsible for loving, respecting, and honoring each other regardless of our ability to annoy each other.
During those times, it’s not a time to turn away and start putting your energy into someone else. It’s a time to remember those vows and turn toward your partner and actively pursue them. It’s a time to put all your energy into making your relationship thrive, not into trying to start another.
So, ask yourself: where is that line? Do you know where it is? And more importantly, what kind of protections have you put in place to make sure you don’t cross it?
Because there is a line, blurred as it may seem, that must not be crossed. And though that line may not lend itself to a precise definition, God knows, Because God knows our heart and he knows when that line has been crossed and we will all be called to give an account at some point.
So, ask yourself right now: are there any areas or relationships in my life that are dangerous?
Listen, God did create us with this desire for companionship and a desire for sexual intimacy. These desires are good, in fact they’re very good because God gave them to us. They are pure and glorify God as an expression of Love between man and wife within the confines of Marriage.
But the adversary seeks to destroy marriages and families. And because of his actions you better believe we will be tempted. But we need not surrender to the temptations that appease the mind and flesh.
Because, whenever you look at another person with more than a casual interest in their physical attributes, whenever you allow desire to dictate how you view another person, whenever you desire more time with or are a little more flirtatious with someone other than with your spouse, you’re already over the line.
Martin Luther correctly said, “I cannot keep the birds from flying over my head, but I can keep them from roosting in my hair.”
We have seen that the desire for sexual fulfillment is a gift from God and we’re responsible for expressing this within our marriages.
Jesus holds His people to a high standard of being accountable for their actions and exercising control over the secrets of the heart.
Sex, we know, is designed for marriage. This is why the Bible tells us in
Hebrews 13.4 4 Give honor to marriage and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.
But we have to understand that we first break the bonds of marriage long before physical touch ever occurs and even if physical touch never occurs, emotional affairs do just as much damage as physical ones.
As Christians we cannot evade responsibility by saying “Well there wasn’t anything physical” because if improper thoughts have invaded their mind or heart, then we’ve already crossed the line!
Do not succumb to the myth that since no physical activity was involved, no marriage vow was broken.
I’m here to tell you that is wrong. Whether your viewing pornography, some kind of avatar fantasy role-playing, or secretly engaging in a relationship outside of your marriage, it’s all sinful.
Today, The Internet is a double-edged sword; it offers promise and peril. Positively, the ease of communication and the sheer wealth of information, it is clearly a powerful resource.
Yet, with this ease of access, it’s also a huge, huge issue. You’ve got this notebook-sized device on your desk, a smartphone in your pocket, or a tablet at your bedside table that is accessible all the time with little or no effort.
But the ease of access makes it too easy for many people to communicate secretly. People sneak down to their devices while their spouse is sleeping, in another room, or right next to them with the turn of the screen.
No longer must one escape to a private location away from the house to commit adultery. All they must do is stay up a bit later or walk into the bathroom.
So, what do we do? How do we protect ourselves and each other? Because God expects His people to be pure and holy.
Jesus raised the bar. He affirmed the Old Testament commitment to keeping the integrity of marriage while refocusing the understanding that the integrity of marriage vows is not confined to just a physical relationship.
It is not enough to keep only physical purity. The purity of the marriage depends upon exclusivity! Exclusive devotion in every aspect of your lives.
This commitment excludes desires for another person or satisfying oneself, even mentally, by another.
All throughout the Bible, scripture cries out to society that purity is firmly founded in the relationship between God and His people, between Jesus and the Bride of Christ, and the purity between one man and one woman.
And that’s why Jesus said in Matthew 19.5
“‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” -Matthew 19.5 (NLT)
A wife gives herself to her husband exclusively and that he gives himself to her exclusively.
This is an exclusive relationship between two people and God; there is no room for another person in the marriage.
Therefore, whenever a man looks at another woman, wishing for her, he rejects his wife, giving himself to that woman. Likewise, whenever a woman wants another man, she leaves her husband, mentally giving herself to that man.
Lust originates in the heart and breaks unity! This is a Secret sin that plagues us as a society. Yet, it is increasingly tolerated by today’s standards.
Everywhere you go the desires of the flesh are front and center. Pornography is accepted by many as normal. Nobody can compete with this, the expectations are unrealistic and life does not airbrush our flaws.
Whenever you use pornography, you’re saying to your spouse, “There is a flaw in you.” You’re saying “You no longer please me”, and “I’m going to go outside the marriage to find fulfillment.”
Likewise, if you’ve crossed into an emotional affair, you’re saying, “You no longer fulfill me.” And I’ll find fulfillment elsewhere in someone else.
God expects us to be pure, not only in our actions but also in our hearts. Our thought-life shows us if our heart is not right, sending up red flags that drastic action is needed to correct it before it tragically spirals.
How serious are harboring these kinds of lustful thoughts?
Listen to what Jesus says as we continue in Matthew 5.29-30 (NLT)
29 So if your eye—even your good eye[a]—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
30 And if your hand—even your stronger hand[b]—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
The Almighty isn’t advocating for self-mutilation but stressing the severe consequences of treating secret sin casually.
Jesus is telling us to get rid of whatever causes you to lust, no matter how important it is to you.
Look what it says ‘Causes you to sin’ is basically referring to whatever traps, or whatever ensnares you.
For the Christian, righteousness by grace through faith, and this warning to cut loose, to get rid of, anything that cause us to sin, must not be taken lightly.
The warning clearly tells us to do whatever is necessary to keep stumbling blocks out of our lives; whether it be tempting relationships, elicit media, and secretive places.
It is better to lose one thing than to lose everything. Like Timothy, we must flee youthful lusts. Like Joseph, we must run from the seductress. Because the person who is sold out for God will receive help from the Holy Spirit to overcome the temptation to lust after others.